“The only person who can pull me down is myself, and I’m not going to let myself pull me down anymore.”
― C. JoyBell C.
What’s holding you back?
It’s a million dollar question that a lot of people are still struggling to find the answer for.
The answer is different for each and everyone of us.
We are all unique.
Therefore the answer has to be unique to match our personality and character.
Let me share a personal story with you; maybe it’ll help you.
I come from a middle-eastern descent and English is not my native language.
One of the things that held me back from living my dreams for many years was the fear of putting myself out there and for people to judge me for where I came from.
Combined with the lack of self-confidence that I needed to overcome that fear, I was stuck in a vicious cycle of self-doubt, self-negative-talk, and self-sabotage.
Fortunately, I am a self-taught man, and I always question the status quo.
So, I went on a mission to learn how can I cultivate more self-belief and more self-confidence to pursue my dreams and live my purpose.
Surprisingly, I found out that I was not alone, and that self-doubt and lack of self-confidence were a struggle that many people face to some degree.
And the key answer to the million dollar question that I asked at the start of this article is to learn how to overcome your fear and push forward with more confidence, self-belief, and self-esteem.
By learning how to cultivate my self-confidence and self-esteem, I was able to overcome my fears, and finally, pursue my dreams.
So at age 18, I put myself out there and faced my fear of being rejected.
I landed my 1st job as a local cultural advisor which is something I would’ve not got if I didn’t face my fear.
Quite a story, wasn’t it 🙂
Now, don’t get me wrong, I still have some fears, undoubtedly.
Who doesn’t? Right….
But now I know that I can beat whatever fears that might bubble up with the power of positive thinking, inspired action and most importantly, continuing to improve myself to break through that walls of fear and self-doubt and come out on the other side stronger and happier.
This post was inspired by my Facebook viewers who asked me in a live stream the question of how to cultivate more self-belief, self-worth and self-confidence:
So let’s being taking more control of our self-confidence and self-belief.
First, you need, to be honest with yourself and check If you are low in the self-confidence department.
Yes, is it possible to do things that will change that! Your self-confidence is 100% in your control!
You can become someone who’s worthy of respect.
Someone who can pursue what he.she wants despite the naysayer!
Below, I outlined 7 things that will help you do that.
None of the 7 actions are revolutionary! They are quite the opposite!
They are simply principles that I learned during my 30 years journey on planet earth and I want to share it with all of you.
I could’ve wrote a comprehensive 2000 words article, but I didn’t.
I want to condense my favorite things and focus on the stuff that works!
So let’s dive in and get you started on your self-confidence journey!
1. Change your perspective on self-confidence:
Most people think that they are either born with this trait or not.
That’s so far from the truth!
Self-Belief and Confidence is a learnable skill
Your self-confidence isn’t set in stone!
We can all be all capable of changing, we just need to believe.
You have withing you latent powers that are ready to be explored.
When we came to the world, we were full of excitement and were ready to explore.
Sadly, as we continue to grow older and before you know it “Limiting Beliefs” are set!
So before you completely accept the status quo as is, go back to your childhood and remember how uninhibited you were.
So first things first, do a self-examination of the limiting ideas you might have about yourself; and then do some self-analysis on these beliefs!
Time to clean house – or shall I say mental clean your mind!
2. Keep Your Negative Self-Talk In Check:
This is a very important action that when you master, you’ll feel more empowered beyond your imagination!
When I learned how to deal with my negative inner voice, I was able to do somethings that I never thought possible.
So, when your inner negative voice starts, listen to it, for a moment, then examine who’s voice is it really?
Is it really your voice or is it the voice someone else, like a parent or old school teacher.
See we have a collection of different voices from different people and times of our lives.
One thing I am sure of is that little inner self-critical voice wasn’t yours originally. It may seem like it belongs to you now, but it doesn’t really.
When the voice strikes again, tell yourself the following:
“This is not my true voice!”
Don’t let the voice control you! Simply question it or just learn to silence it so it has no power over you!
3. Focus On Your Strengths:
Do you want more self-confidence?
Then focus on your top-notch qualities, focus on your achievements, and your strengths.
Get a pen and paper or open a word document on your PC and list all the qualities that you love about yourself.
Ask your friends, spouses, parents to help too “Note, be careful who to ask, someone people are toxic and cannot stomach the idea of someone trying to improve themselves.”
4. Sharpen The Saw:
I learned this skill from Steven Covey.
Covey defines the concept of “Sharpen the Saw” as preserving and enhancing the greatest assets that you have–and that’s YOU!
Self-esteem and confidence are linked hand in hand to what actions we take daily!
So, when you take the time to improve yourself in all areas of life, personally and professionally, you renew yourself and create a growth-mindset and set the wheels of positive change in your life.
By doing so, you increase your capacity to produce and handle life challenges with confidence and perseverance.
5. Become Your Own Kick-Ass Coach:
This one is related to tip # 2 which is keeping the negative talk in check.
So when you notice doubts are about to pop into your mind, take a deep breath and picture you (the calm and focused part of you) are the coach and the antsy part of you is the person you need to give a pep-talk to.
Think what you’d say to your role model in if he or she started to doubt themselves.
Sit down and start giving yourself a pep-talk.
So if you are about to go on a date and you starting feeling antsy about the date, then set a few moments aside, close your eyes, and coach yourself:
“Look, you got this! Being a little anxious before a date is totally normal! You have the experience and qualifications that make you a CATCH! Now stop whining and go have a FABULOUS date! Even if the date didn’t go as you hope, you know that you gave it your best shot!”
Picture yourself as the supportive, and friendly coach or simply picture your favorite coach or role model giving you a helping hand!
I personally imagine Brendon Burchard, giving me an awesome pep talk whenever I feel doubtful about something, which doesn’t happen often, but when it does happen, I make sure I nip it in the bud before it morphs into a big ugly monster.
6. Create A Crystal Clear Picture Of Your Future You.
I call this having a long-term vision.
Please don’t mistake this tip with the concept of living for the future. I am all about living in the moment and being fully mindful of the now.
But that doesn’t stop me from planning for the future.
Action Item -Active Visualztiotion:
Sit down in a private place where you won’t be interrupted for at least 10-15 minutes.
Close your eyes and take 3 deep breaths and then dive into a visualization session.
See yourself in the life of your dreams; having the job that you want, being with the partner you dream of and simply living the life you have always imagined.
Get creative, be as vivid as possible, add colors, smells, actions, sounds and make the picture so vivid and so clear that you start to vibrate one the frequencies of success, abundance, and confidence.
7. Borrow The Strengths of your “Heros.”
This concept is also known as Hero training.
It is a great way to increase your own self-confidence and self-belief.
The concept is simple!
First, identify your favorite hero character that you would like to borrow some of their traits and qualities to remedy a certain issue in your life.
Then, think of a situation in which you lack the self-belief in.
Now think of your chosen ‘hero’ – who could be anyone that you consider a hero (examples a comics character, a movie hero, a world-known leader, or just about anyone that you look up to.)
Now close your eyes and actively imagine them dealing with the situation ‘heroically.’
Imagine yourself being your hero for a few moments, walk in his/her shoes, experience the situation while pretending to be them.
Continue with this exercise until you feel full of energy and self-confidence and start to notice that you are feeling the same feelings of your own heroes!
Here you have it!
7 killer actions to cultivate more self-belief, self-worth, and self-confidence.
By all means, you don’t need to do all of them, as if this were a recipe … simply, pick and choose the ones that appeal the most to you!
Maybe try a couple at first, but I do recommend that you give them all a try at least once, and then decided which ones you resonate with the most.
Till we speak again, go out, have fun and be YOU!
To a more successful and confident you!