The sources of negativity in our lives are limitless.
People are more inclined to talk about the negative rather than the positive. However, we as individuals have a choice in what to focus on and what to make of the negative things that are happening around us 24/7.
I read at least 5-10 articles a day that will teach me something positive that I can implement in my life, and this morning, I read an article written by best-selling author Barrie Davenport that I couldn’t pass and had to write about.
The article highlights the importance of getting rid of 8 bad habits that if we remove from our daily behavior, we can lead a more bold and enlightened life.
You might ask me but why am I so impressed with the article that I had to write about it. The answer is quite simple, the author didn’t just write about the habits but gave detailed tips on how to replace them with an even better and more positive habits.
Without further do, Let’s take a look at these eight habits below and start implementing what we are going to learn from them in our daily life. Let’s go:
Here are 8 of the most common toxic habits to avoid and how to replace them with better ones.
1. Guilt Tripping. The guilt tripper uses not-so-subtle strategies to let others know they aren’t happy about something. When things don’t go their way, the guilt-tripper will say or do things to try to make others feel bad about their choices or actions. Rather than speaking plainly about a desire or disappointment, or just letting it go, the guilt tripper wants others to suffer right along with him/her.
New behavior: Learn to accept that not everything will go your way. Other people are entitled to make choices that you may not like. Ask for what you want, express your needs kindly, and accept disappointments graciously.
New behavior: Recognize that humility combined with mature self-confidence is highly attractive. No one wants to feel “less than” or inferior, regardless of their background, income, or station in life. Every person has something valuable to contribute, so seek first to learn from others.
3. Temper Tantrums. Pouting, withdrawal, belligerence, and passive aggressive behaviors are all examples of an adult temper tantrum. We all get angry and hurt, but there are healthy, adult ways of expressing anger that don’t undermine relationships. When my kids were little and had temper tantrums, I would tell them to “use your words.” We all need to use our words rather than childish behaviors to express our feelings.
New behavior: Recognize anger and frustration when they arise and work to identify the source. Often it is much deeper than the issue at hand. Take a deep breath and talk calmly about the feelings under the anger. Step back from interactions until you can control your feelings and speak calmly.
4. Manipulation. Many of the behaviors listed involve manipulation, but a manipulator pro will take it to new levels. They will use intelligence, wit, charm, or other skills to get people conform to their will. It may take months or years for those close to the manipulator to realize what’s happening. Sometimes the manipulator doesn’t consciously realize what they are doing is wrong or underhanded. They simply see the behavior as a normal means to an end.
New behavior. This one is tricky because it involves a fairly sophisticated level of self-awareness. It begins by embracing an honest respect for those around you — acknowledging that most people have inner wisdom and should not be led down a path that isn’t right for them, even if they do so willingly at first.
5. Gossiping. This is one behavior that can easily become habitual. Having information about someone, especially salacious or negative information, feels powerful. We know something that inquiring minds want to know. But gossip creates so much hurt and erodes trust. It takes practice and commitment to throw water on the fire of gossip.
New behavior. Begin to view gossip for what it is — hurtful and unkind. Rather than engage in gossip, seek the good in the person or situation and be the arbiter of kindness and healing.
6. Jealousy. Jealousy can manifest in many of the behaviors listed, especially guilt tripping. It usually stems from feeling wounded, inferior, or insecure. Jealous behavior makes others feel uncomfortable and unnecessarily guilty or wrong. We all feel it from time to time, and it’s a call to examine and appreciate our own lives.
New behavior. When jealousy rears its ugly head, stop and take a moment to turn the feelings around. If you feel jealous of someone, take a moment to bless their bounty and to acknowledge your own. If you want to improve your circumstances, take action rather than feeding the jealousy or putting someone down.
7. Poor listening. The age of distraction has led to an erosion of good listening skills. We type on the computer and talk to our children without looking at them. We answer cell phones during an important conversation or meal. We text while socializing with real, live people. We look past the person we are speaking with to see if someone more important is nearby. We are disengaged from really hearing what others have to say to us.
New behavior: Start by removing distractions when you are speaking to someone. Turn off the cell phone or tv. Step away from the computer. Practice deep listening by making eye contact, reflecting back to the speaker what you heard, and acknowledging the feelings or ideas conveyed.
8. Bad manners. Is it just me or have manners gone with the wind? These very simple skills that most of us were taught as children are powerful relating tools. Saying please and thank you, not interrupting, assisting someone, making conversation, showing appreciation, having table manners, being on time — all of these reflect consideration for others and respect for one’s self.
New behavior: Most of us know what good manners are, but since society in general has become more and more relaxed about them, we might have forgotten to use them. Start by reminding yourself about good manners. Take notice of what you might be neglecting and make a conscious effort to implement the manners that are missing for you.
Wow, what a read! Didn’t I tell you the article is phenomenal.
Don’t be scared if have one or all 8 of the toxic habits described above, you are human and no one is perfect.
The key is to take a hard to look in the mirror and face the truth about the ways we might be behaving.
The journey of self-growth is a long one and it requires us to push our limits and get out of the comfort zone. So be vulnerable, acknowledge your flaws, and then work on changing them
Alright, so what healthy new habits would you like to adopt in your life TODAY? Please share them with me in the comments.
(H/T Barrie Davenport)
For more articles from Barrie Davenport, please check out her site here.